Ruffles The Pug

About me:

I'm Ruffles, well more specifically "Ruffles The Royal Pug". I'm not actually related to the Queen, if I'm going to be brutally honest, I just like deluding myself into thinking I'm overly important and omnipotent. Plus I like wearing a cape (see my photos) and being generally dismissive of people, so you can see why I connect with her Majesty on a number of levels.

My owner is this dude called Johnny Vasco, I don't know what to tell you about him. He's 20-something, looks vaguely anemic and smells of freshly brewed coffee mixed with Lynx deodorant. I find him hellishly annoying, particularly when he talks to me in that cringeworthy "baby talk" or introduces me as "Reggie" to some unfortunate lady he brought home after a night on the town.

Come to think about it, I don't like humans very much - I mean these are the people who think that giving me an inflatable rubber squeaky ball will keep me entertained for hours. It's doesn't, it's just dumb. Period. Although I will say I'm a fan of anyone with instant food. Personally being a dog, I'm not fussed so long as you HAVE food and don't expect me to do tricks (cat's get away with it all the time, so why can't I?).

I don't like things that are bigger than me. Imagine having to permanently look UP at everything - yeah well, welcome to my world....

I'll go for walks in the park, so long as I get to chase the odd frisbee at my own speed and not get commanded to "Fetch" every 2 minutes. Sometimes I REALLY can't be bothered chasing that piece of plastic around on a hot day - I don't care if the kids find it amusing.

I should mention and I have this conspiracy theory, that Johnny only looks after me, so he can use me to pick up chicks when he's talking me for walks. I'm the ice breaker on a bit of string it seems, they see me and end up talking to him. He's not dumb that kid.

In all fairness, I don't mind that, but god damn he needs to hook me up with some female pugs in return. I'm REALLY over people's legs. You would have thought that my blatant attempts to embarrass him might have triggered off the fact that I'm pug royalty and I need a harem of other female pugs to keep the image up.

So if YOU want to be the one, to tie me up on a leash and take me out on the town, I'm TOTALLY down for that. Think of it this way, I'll make you look good won't I?

Hhhmmm what else? I'm partial to the odd cigar, I have my favorite spot on Johnny's sofa, I read FHM magazine religiously and I think Angelina Jolie is extremely drool worthy. I'd scratch myself mad for her. Oh and my house (or rather the house I dwell in but don't own) is a bit like MTV Cribs - but way better.

I'm also thinking of running for President - can I count on ya vote?